Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Bank Robbers Protesting Discrimination!

This is great. Not sure who to give credit to.. it was circulated in email


Bank Robbers from across the nation will gather today to hold a rally to
protest some of the latest hate tactics perpetrated by evil conservative
Republicans. The plan calls for criminalizing and in this case, making it a felony to rob a bank.
Said one congressman, "We're tired of all this illegal activity."

According to Jose Luis Gonzalez, a career bank robber, "This is hateful plain
and simple. We're just trying to feed our families. We're not bank robbers.
We're undocumented withdrawers! The politicians are the real criminals."

Remarked Jose Luis, "I can't believe they would do this to me. Every time I
break the law, I'll now have to worry about the consequences. Now I have to live my life in fear"

Senator Hillary Clinton today held a press conference. "This seems wrong.
Would we ask the Good Samaritan to not rob a bank? Would we ask Jesus not to rob
a bank? This doesn't seem like it would follow the Bible, which I think I read
once." Senator Clinton, who worships at the First Rainbow Church of the
People, was deeply offended and called on those with similar beliefs to contribute
money to her charity: Hillary for President 2008.There is no word on whether
she might actually run for president.

Additionally, this bill would make it a crime to help bank robbers in the
process of committing the crime. This change has many people riled up.

Said Jose Luis, "What about those people with no job skills? What are they
supposed to do? What about those people whose only crime is to drive a getaway
car? Are you going to put them in jail too? What have they done wrong?"

Roberto, a successful bank robber, can earn up to $1,200 on a good day.
"I can't make that kind of money robbing banks in Mexico."

This money of course is later circulated into the American Economy.

Without bank robbing, many of these young men would turn to more drastic
forms of stealing ... such as spam or running for congress.

According to Roberto, even the unsuccessful ones contribute to the economy.

"Would those prison guards have jobs? Would they be able to do anything
without the undocumented withdrawers? That's all we're saying."

What is not widely known is just how dangerous this work can be.

"We spent hours sitting in a dark cramped van waiting for the right heist"

In a tragic tragedy last week, three bank robbers perished while trying to
case a joint.

"This kind of thing should not happen in America. We couldn't take care of
them. They died in the back seat like some cheap date for Ted Kennedy. We had
no place to take them!"

Indeed, it is estimated that 1 out of every 3 bank robbers does not have
healthcare coverage.

"We're left to fend for ourselves and nobody cares about us!" says Carlos

"American is starting to become like other more hateful countries".

Another robber, Carlos, was deported from Denmark.

"They told me it was against the laws of their country to rob a bank.
How dare they say that? Something is truly rotten in Denmark. Just because
I'm in somebody else's country, how can that mean that I have to follow their

Carlos is now here in America and is very excited at President Bush's new

The Bank Robbing Guest Robber Program.

The rally will be held at noon right outside First National Bank.


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